It is the eve of New Year’s Day and what a perfect time to fall in love! I watched a crazy movie a very long time ago called 200 Cigarettes. It is a comedy (mainly) about two women who go out on New Year’s Eve looking for romance, looking to have an intimate connection…if you know what I mean…because they believed that if they did not have that “intimate” connection on that specific night, it would doom them for the upcoming year, regarding the affairs of the heart. Being very naive (and young) at the time when I first saw this movie, I fell into the trap of “OH MY GOD! What if there is some truth to this?” I quickly blamed every year of bad relationships upon this theory, never once stopping to look at my attitude, baggage or bad judgment as the fault. I mean, let’s admit it, if we are jumping into a relationship to chase off a hex, curse, rumor or Hollywood gimmick, then we are not basing a relationship on the qualities that are really meaningful to us in the first place, which ends in disaster time and time again.
I know now that this movie is just a comedy, just a movie and not at all the truth BUT I do hear from clients, friends and relatives that hold a very similar belief. How many of us believe that we are not whole if we are not in a relationship? How many of you settle because you think you are getting too old, have too many kids or simply believe that this is the ‘best’ that you can do? Those beliefs are often due to lack of self-esteem, lack of self-confidence, lack of self-love. Maybe you are in a situation where you feel stuck, maybe you have been told by your parents or past partner that you suck, that you will never amount to more then they can give you. I was in an abusive relationship for over seven years. You know what I did when I got out of it? I jumped into another abusive relationship. You know why? Because one, it was comfortable (crazy, right?) but mostly because I did not think that I deserved any better. I was changing the scenery but living the same pattern over and over, and this happens not only with relationships but with other events and people in our life. How many patterns do you see in your life that seem to repeat? The ones that feel familiar but end in a mess? Guess what Girlfriend (or Boyfriend) you keep repeating because you are not learning the lesson. What can you do differently to change the outcome so that you can get off that hamster wheel? For me, I needed to find self-worth and stop settling. I had to wake up and realize that it was okay to be single, that it actually could be fun. Judy Ford’s book “Single: Being Satisfied, Fulfilled and Independent” gave me some great ideas and showed me that I could enjoy my single life.
I want to note that if you are in a relationship, please still read on. If you feel like you are settling, you still can change that and have what you need. You will just have to do an adjustment to how you think. Check out the book “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz to start with. If you have already read this, read it again. It really is worth reading once a year. Have that crazy co-worker that you just cannot understand? Read “The Four Agreements.” The mother-in-law that voices her annoying opinion every chance she gets? Read the “The Four Agreements.” Too much Facebook drama setting you off into a blaze of rage? Read “The Four Agreements.” Do you get the idea? Read the “Four Agreements.”
Okay, so once I got past the not settling and that it was okay to be single, I knew that I had more work ahead of me. If you are feeling like you are a train wreck, no sugar coating here, you probably are a train wreck. That is okay though because you can change that. Will it be easy? No, probably not but it will be worth it.
Time to make a New Year’s Resolution to fall in love…with YOU!
No, I did not trick you but first things first, you cannot have the relationship that you want if you do not love yourself. Maybe you do love yourself but let’s take it a step further, let’s show ourselves that we do. Louise Hay has a delightful book called “You can heal your life.” This book changed my life completely. In it, she talks about the importance of affirmations and how hard it is to look into a mirror and say (and mean) the words “I love you” to yourself. I was never a huge fan of affirmations but when I first came across the book, I was at an all time low and vowed to try anything to get myself out of my deep depression. I promised myself I would try it for thirty days, I wrote the words with red (the color of love) lipstick on my mirror to remind myself every time I glanced into the mirror, and each morning I said the words out loud. Yes, I admit it felt pretty silly at times, frustratingly useless at others but at the end of thirty days, I noticed that I did indeed start to view myself differently and life started to change for the much better.
My challenge to you, is to do this also for thirty days. It is the first step in your resolution to fall in love. On top of that carry a piece of rose quartz in your pocket or purse, this will help raise your vibration of, yes you guessed it “love.”
Be nice to yourself, treat yourself like you would someone that you care about. Run that bubble bath, but for this month, add something that makes you feel special….Instead of using your child’s “Hello Kitty” or “Power Ranger” blend, spurge for “Calgon, take me away” or better yet, make some lovely smelling salts with rose buds (these can be found for sale also if you are not a crafty one or do not have time but feel special.) Gather a cup of Happily Ever After Tea and a good book and just feel good. At first feeling good may feel uncomfortable, you may feel guilty for doing something for yourself instead of someone else, you may think that the house needs to get cleaned, the kids need an adventure or your boss needs your to do extra errands….learn the word no or say yes but set boundaries so that you have YOU time. After all, how can you fall in love with yourself if you do not get to know who you really are?
You have your homework for the next thirty days. Are you ready to make this year the year that you fall in love? Check back often, next month we will work on the next stage of a New Year’s Resolution that you can undoubtedly keep!
xx’s and oo’s,
Need more insight? Book a reading or spell consultation with Alura
Need some magick? Poisoned Apple Shoppe